My self doubt

I am a person motivated and influenced by so many diverse forces. I sometimes question the sanity of my existence. I am a living paradox- deeply religious, yet not as convinced of my exact beliefs, as I should be. Wanting responsibility yet shirking it. Loving the truth but often giving away to falsity. I detest selfishness, but see it in the mirror everyday. I view those, some of whom are very dear to me, who have never learned how to live. I desire and struggle to be different from them, but often am almost an exact likeness… What a boring little word—I!! I, me, my, mine… The only things that enable worthwile uses of these words are the universal good qualities wich we are not able to place with them—faith, trust, love, responsibility, regret, knowledge. But the acronyms to these symbols of what enable life to be worth the trouble cannot be escaped. I, in my attempts to be honest, will not be the hypocrite I hate, and will own up to their ominous presence in this boy endeavoring in such earnest to be a man.